In Which They Want The Duck
by FifiDoll
Summary: New Directions decides to have a competition to see who can have the craziest sex in the craziest place. Winner gets an old duck trophy. Puck insists he'll win, but will he really? Contains Bartie, Tike, Mattcedes, Sinn, Faberry, PuckBrittana, Klaine
1. Chapter 1

**Part One: In Which Artie and Brittany Start It All**

The Glee club was gathered in the choir room after school, waiting for Mr. Schuester to show up so they could get ready for regionals. Matt was back and Lauren had decided that she didn't have time for Glee club now that she was heading the "I Love Vampires More Than You Do" club. Class at Dalton didn't resume until the following Monday so Kurt was still in Lima visiting the Glee club. "So," Santana said with a scandalous voice. "Over break, I saw this crazy couple at the park down the street. They looked like they were _getting it on_ right on the swing set!"

"Um…that's because we were," Brittany trailed off in her clueless voice.

Artie's face flushed as the members of the group looked between the two. "No way did Artie hook up with someone in a park," Tina shook her head. "He's too shy."

Tina's indignation stung at Artie a little bit. "Well, I did. We did," he said, almost proudly. "Brittany and I had sex on a swing set."

"How would that even work?" Rachel asked cluelessly.

"My God, you really are a virgin, aren't you?" Santana asked rudely.

"Who's a virgin?" Puck asked, walking into the choir room with a cocky smirk.

"It doesn't matter," Rachel glared defensively at Puck before turning the same glare to Santana, who smirked in response.

Finn looked around, his beady eyes a little shifty. "I'm with Rachel on this one," he admitted. "How did you guys manage to have sex on a swing set?"

Puck looked disbelieving. "Nobody here had sex on a swing set. That is way too badass for any of you losers," he shot.

"Me and Artie did," Brittany said with a smile.

"It started out innocently," Artie began. "I loved swinging when I was a kid, before my accident. I wanted to swing again, and Brittany helped me. She put me on the swing, and then she sat on my lap Spider style. After that, things just kind of…took off."

"It was super hot," Brittany added.

"I always thought there was something dirty about swinging Spider," Mercedes shook her head.

Several people agreed with Mercedes. One person straddling the other on a single swing? Of course it would look bad. "So you guys swung Spider until your clothes just disappeared and all of a sudden you were screwing?" Puck asked.

"Do you have to be so crude?" Rachel asked, looking disgusted.

"It was too cold to have our clothes disappear, so we just moved them out of the way," Brittany interrupted. "And the sex wasn't all of a sudden. We knew it was going to happen once it was happening."

Several people looked at Brittany, amazed at her intellect (or lack thereof) at times. They didn't even want to know if she believed in non-Santa magic after the Christmas they had all experienced. "It looks like someone is more badass than you, Puck," Santana said spitefully, smirking.

Laughter erupted in the group and Puck looked angry. "Fine, you know what? Let's turn this into a bet," Puck said, looking at the group. "Whoever has sex in the craziest place gets…um…a trophy or something? I don't know, but I will not be out-badassed by a cripple," then with a look at Artie, he said, "No offense." He turned back to the group. "I bet to you all that I am _the most_ badass person here."

"I'm in," Artie said confidently. "Brittany and I are winning, and I'd like to see you all try to beat us."

"How will we compare stories?" Rachel asked. "We obviously can't have the conversation here. Mr. Schuester is late today, but we can't be sure that's always going to be the case."

"We'll meet here after Glee club," Quinn suggested. "Like, wait for Mr. Schue to leave then come back."

"That should work," Tina nodded.

"How will we know someone isn't lying?" Santana asked, shooting a look at Rachel. "We need some sort of proof."

Several members winced at the thought of documenting or keeping evidence of their personal lives. "Let's just say that you have to do the act with someone in Glee club," Finn suggested quickly. "That way someone can back you up on your story."

"And no getting your friend to lie with you," Santana said defensively. "If you're going to participate, don't be a prude. _Actually_ do something."

Nods and murmurs of acceptance reassured the group of their comrade's honesty. Santana seemed satisfied. Mercedes stood and faced the group, "And what if we don't want to have sex? Quinn, I wouldn't think you'd want to after last year. I know I don't want to. I'm not ready for that."

"Fine," Puck rolled his eyes. "We compare the craziest places where we do _something_ sexual. At least fooling around, but sex trumps fooling around every time."

"Then you got yourself a deal, boy," Mercedes said confidently. "I'm in."

"All in?" Puck asked, challenging the rest of the group.

Everyone shrugged and nodded. "What's the traveling trophy thing going to be?" Sam asked.

"Oh, right," Puck nodded, going deep into thought.

"I have an atrocious trophy you all could use. Or even better, you can keep it," Kurt offered. "I won it when I was six. It's a duck shaped trophy I won from a duck hunting competition. I absolutely loathe it. It's just been sitting on my shelf, throwing off the composition of my entire room."

"That works," Puck shrugged.

"I'll get it to Artie tomorrow," Kurt smiled and let out a breath of relief.

Now he would no longer have the sour stain of a duck hunting trophy among his singing competition trophies. Kurt sat back in satisfaction, smiling. "Okay, so it's agreed," Rachel confirmed with the group. "We'll compare stories on Thursdays after Glee club rehearsal. Winner gets the traveling duck trophy."

The group murmured approval just as Mr. Schuester walked in. The upcoming weeks were sure to be entertaining.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two: In Which Mike and Tina Make Some Music**

Ever since the Glee club rehearsal where Puck made the bet, all Tina seemed to rant about was Artie and how he seemed so much happier with Brittany than he had with her. By Wednesday, Mike was getting sick of it. "You know, if it bothers you that much, let's just show him up," Mike offered one day in the hallway. "Then you have the satisfaction of taking the trophy from him."

"And you have the satisfaction of having sex," Tina added, frowning.

"Well, yeah, I guess there's that, too," he shrugged with a smile.

Tina turned to face him, looking furious. Mike's eyes widened. Maybe his idea wasn't as awesome as he thought? It took him all weekend to think of it, though…

"Fine," Tina shrugged. "We have to do it by tomorrow, then. I want to show him what he's missing, _now_."

Mike seemed a little put out at Tina's reasoning, but being the teenage boy he was, he didn't argue. She looked up and down the hallway. "We should get to Spanish," Mike pointed down the hall where they had been walking.

"No," Tina shook her head, grabbing Mike by the collar.

His eyes widened again as he allowed himself to be pushed through a door they had been standing next to. They were in the choir room. She pulled him into a kiss and he looked rather surprised. "Tina," he argued. "We have to get to class."

"Why?" she asked. "We're smart, we can skip a day."

"Mr. Schue will know," Mike pointed out.

"He'll know we skipped, not what we're doing," she smirked into a kiss.

Mike hoped she was right as he willed himself to be pulled into more passionate kisses. He loved days like today; Tina was wearing a skirt. It would make for easier access, considering they were having a quickie in the middle of the school day. Tina's hands traveled lower on his body and all protests and worries were gone.

They kissed frantically as they moved away from the door. Her hands found his abs again. Not that he didn't like how much she adored his abs, but Mike wished Tina liked more than just his abs. Or that if she _did _like more than his abs (she damn well better), she would show it once in a while.

His legs hit a hard surface as they were moving backwards. The piano bench. He fell onto it and Tina straddled his lap right away. He moaned into the kiss as she ground against him. She smiled at the effect she had on him. Her kisses were more frantic than before and she pushed him backwards.

Mike leaned back to be met with an atrocious sound. Multiple piano keys, all similar in note, were hit at the same time. A cacophony of noise filled the choir room and Tina giggled. Mike couldn't help but laugh, too.

His laughter turned into a moan, though, when Tina's hand grazed his erection through his jeans. Mike kissed her harder, as if to thank her for the wonderful feeling. Her fingers ghosted over the fabric of his jeans, sending amazing and new sensations through his body.

He ran his hands along her thighs and leaned up to kiss her. Tina pressed him back again with another firm grind, sending another array of notes echoing throughout the room (and faintly in the empty hallway). Deft fingers made their way underneath Tina's skirt and she shivered at Mike's touch. She moaned as his hands traveled over her panties. A few more moves of his hands had her grinding against his fingers.

Mike leant up to kiss her again and she kissed back with fervor. Wandering hands and the thrill of being caught intensified what they were doing. Tina's hands fumbled with the button and zipper of his jeans for a moment before some of the pressure on his straining erection was released. He sighed and she ran her hand along the hardness, his boxers the only thing separating his dick from her hand.

Mike's breathing became more ragged and his hand motions against her body a little more sporadic. His mind was focused on Tina's hand and what she was doing. So much, in fact, that he leaned against the piano _again_. "Someone's going to hear!" Tina laughed, sitting up for a moment.

"Dammit, girl, why did you stop?" Mike teased.

"You're right," she said seriously, pulling him up for another kiss.

Her tongue explored his mouth as his hands pushed her skirt up her legs. His touch was electrifying and the feeling was amazing. Tina moaned and ground against him again. His hands grazed her panties and her fingers toyed with the waistband of his boxers. Their kiss grew more intense and heated, their minds only focused on what they were feeling.

"Okay, enough of the teasing," Tina rolled her eyes. "We're doing this now."

Mike was surprised at Tina's boldness as she pushed him back. He hit the piano keys with amazing force, making the loudest mess of notes on the piano he'd ever made. Tina ground up against him, enjoying her power trip. Their pleasure was cut short, however, by a voice in the doorway. "I knew you Glee kids were up to something," a sinister voice drawled.

Tina climbed off of Mike quickly. He fastened his jeans and stood from the bench, horrified. "You two need to come with me to Principal Figgins' office. Now," Sue Sylvester said firmly from the doorway.

They followed, mortified at being caught fooling around by _Ms. Sylvester_. Nothing could be worse. Once they reached the office, she began going on and on about how they were both being poorly influenced by Mr. Schuester. Principal Figgins asked what they had done wrong, and they couldn't help but snigger at her explanation:

"They were trying to play the piano with this kids back," Sue pointed to him angrily. "What kind of music teacher doesn't even teach his students how to properly play a piano!"

Tina and Mike looked down at their laps, hiding their laughs. "That's all they were doing?" Figgins asked, looking more confused than he had before.

"Of course that's all," Sue grumbled. "If they had been doing more, I would have noticed."

"Well then," Figgins nodded, rolling his eyes. "You two, go Google how to use a piano. That's all. Sue, thank you for letting me know what was going on."

"It's my civic duty," she smirked, saluting Figgins as she left the office behind Tina and Mike.

On their way down the hall to their last class, Mike said, "Let's just tell them Sue caught us and that we didn't get in trouble."

"Agreed," Tina nodded with a smile.

Last period and classes on Thursday went by much too slowly for Tina's taste, but then again, when did they ever go by quickly? Glee club failed to keep her attention, and Mike could tell from across the room that all she wanted to do was one-up Artie. He wanted to be upset at her selfish motives, but their story was just too good. _Finally_ they were done with Glee rehearsal and Mr. Schuester left.

The twelve students gathered back in the choir room and sat around. "Any good stories?" Puck asked with a smirk.

"We have one," Tina offered proudly.

"Okay, spill," Santana challenged.

Tina and Mike exchanged glances before Mike explained, "We were fooling around in here, by the piano," Rachel winced in disgust, Puck looked impressed. "We were supposed to be in Spanish…"

"_That's_ where you guys were?" Mercedes asked, shocked.

Tina nodded and continued Mike's story, "Well anyway, we were fooling around in here, about to do more, when we got caught."

"What!" several burst out.

Most looked impressed and asked something about punishment. "Who caught you?" Quinn asked scathingly.

"Ms. Sylvester," Mike said proudly.

The group seemed even more impressed. "We didn't get in trouble at all," Mike told them.

"Yeah, right," Puck rolled his eyes.

"Really," Tina backed Mike up. "We didn't get in trouble. You can even ask Figgins."

Puck looked surprised. "Okay, fine, you guys trump Artie and Brittany's swing set sex," he admitted. "Agreed?" he asked the group.

They all nodded and Artie looked a little put out. Tina and Mike smiled as Artie handed the duck trophy over to them. "Does that mean we have to top almost-sex in the choir room and getting caught by a teacher?" Rachel asked, looking scandalized.

"Sounds like it to me," Quinn said with narrowed eyes.

"That's going to be hard to do, isn't it?" Rachel persisted.

A few people seemed to agree with her, but most just agreed with Puck when he said, "That just means you'll have to get creative."

"Okay, meeting adjourned?" Mercedes asked. "I have a mani/pedi scheduled in half an hour and I still gotta go get my mom from work."

"See you suckers next week," Puck smirked.

Most everyone left; Santana hung behind looking at the mohawked boy curiously. "What do you have up your sleeve?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He explained it to her on their way out of the choir room, and she couldn't help but shake her head at how unbelievably Puck (and badass) his plan was. She definitely wanted in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part Three: In Which Mercedes and Matt Break the Rules**

"I still can't believe that Mike and Tina got caught by Ms. Sylvester and didn't get in trouble!" Mercedes raved to Matt on Friday in the halls.

Matt laughed and agreed. Since he had been back, he was paying more attention to Mercedes. He found her beautiful, and her singing voice was amazing. He sometimes wished his voice were good enough to duet with her. Mercedes loved the attention from Matt, and the only thing that would make him better was his music self esteem. He had a voice that could rock the house if he'd just be a little braver. "So, do you have plans for tonight?" he asked her.

"I was just going to hit up the mall with Kurt and his new boy Blaine," Mercedes shrugged, the smiled and added, "You can come with if you want. We might hit a movie afterwards, too."

"Yeah, that sounds cool," he nodded.

"Awesome," Mercedes nodded as they approached her English class. "We'll pick you up at 6:30."

"See you then," he replied, walking down the hall to his math class.

After school, Mercedes dialed Kurt's number. "Hey, darling," he answered endearlingly.

"Hey Kurt," she smiled coyly. "Do you mind if I bring someone with tonight?"

"Who's the guy?" Kurt asked excitedly.

"Well, we're nothing official or anything, but he totally digs me," Mercedes explained. "It's Matt."

"Of course he can come with," Kurt said quickly. "I knew something would happen between you two eventually."

Mercedes rolled her eyes and said, "Damn, boy. You got skills."

"I know," he replied proudly. "I'll pick you guys up around 6:30."

"Good, that's what I told him," she said.

"See you then, babe," Kurt said.

"Bye," Mercedes snapped her phone shut, excited for the evening.

Kurt picked her up and she climbed in the back seat of his Navigator. "Mercedes, this is Blaine," he gestured to the boy in the front seat next to him. "Blaine, this is Mercedes."

"Sup, boy?" Mercedes asked with a smile.

"Nice to meet you," Blaine replied politely.

Kurt gave a smug smile before taking off again, following Mercedes' directions to Matt's house. He climbed into the Navigator and sat next to Mercedes. The four conversed on the way to the mall, but it was mainly Kurt and Mercedes talking. Matt was rather shy around new people or in crowds, and Blaine just wasn't sure he wanted to interject. The banter between Kurt and Mercedes was amusing.

They got to the mall and made their usual first stop: the pretzel shop. If there was one thing Kurt loved that was absolutely unhealthy for him, it was a giant pretzel. Mercedes flushed a little as Matt casually stepped in to pay for both of theirs. They munched on their pretzels as they wandered around the mall, letting Kurt point out all the hot new fashion trends and criticize some of the atrocious new trends.

Mercedes spotted a pair of shades in the window of a store and just had to have them. "They'd look fabulous on you," Kurt said. "I say buy them. They're a good investment."

"Oh damn," she mumbled. "I left my purse in your car."

"It looked like you were missing something," Kurt replied with a frown.

"Can I go get it quick?" Mercedes asked.

"Promise not to bust my window?" Kurt asked with a clever smirk.

Rolling her eyes, she replied, "Promise."

"I'll come with you," Matt offered, and they made their way to the car.

They walked in silence out of the mall, and just as they were reaching the exit, Matt plucked up the nerve to hold her hand. She looked at him, surprised and happy at the same time. He gave her a coy smile and she grinned bigger. Their hands remained connected all the way to Kurt's Navigator.

Mercedes pulled the door opened and got inside, not finding her purse anywhere on the seat. She knelt on the floor, looking underneath the seat. "Found it!" she exclaimed proudly.

The door to the Navigator shut and she turned around, confused. Matt was kneeling on the floor of the car facing Mercedes seriously. "I really like you, Mercedes," he said gently.

"I like you a lot too," she replied with a smile.

He leaned over her slightly and whispered, "Can I kiss you?"

"Do you even need to ask?" she smirked.

Matt's smile was the last thing she saw before her eyes fluttered closed and their lips met. Damn, Kurt was right! Kissing really was nice, she admitted. But they were kissing _in his car_. What the boy didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Mercedes' mind was reeling. Matt was kissing her. Was that his hand on her side? Oh gosh Matt wanted to do more than make out! She wrapped her hands around his neck and deepened the kiss. She trusted this guy. His hands wandered over her body, sending shivers down her spine. She smiled into the kiss and ran a hand through his hair.

She had lost track of time. All that mattered was keeping this boy's lips connected to hers as long as she could. These new feelings were amazing, and a very attractive boy was the reason she was feeling them. Mercedes was heaven. Matt's mind was reeling. Mercedes liked him back! He was overjoyed. Nothing could ruin the moment. Nothing except, "Mercedes, what the hell!" chiming from the now open driver's side doorway.

Kurt poked his head inside to see Matt and Mercedes in the backseat looking disheveled and embarrassed. Blaine was silently laughing behind Kurt, who was seething. "I uh…sorry, Kurt," she shrugged. "It just kind of happened."

"You guys were fooling around in my car!" Kurt exclaimed.

"No, we were just kissing," Matt said nervously.

Kurt looked them over with a raised eyebrow and said, "Right, like I'll believe that. Look at you two! You're a mess."

He climbed into the driver's seat as Blaine got into the passenger seat. "I thought I made it clear that nobody was going to be having sexy time in my Navigator," he said to Mercedes, looking angry and disappointed. "Not even me."

"Sorry, Kurt," Mercedes shrugged. "It's not like we were planning this or anything."

Kurt eyed them skeptically. "Fine. I believe you that it was spur of the moment," he said roughly. "But I know you guys were fooling around. You can't hide it from me." He shook his head and mumbled, "This is all Puck's fault."

"How is this Puck's fault?" Matt asked defensively.

"If he hadn't started that bet, you guys wouldn't have done that," Kurt tried to rationalize.

Mercedes rolled her eyes. It would have happened anyway, she could tell, but whatever helped Kurt get to sleep at night. He dropped Matt off first, who gave her a small kiss on the cheek before climbing out of the car. Kurt dropped off Mercedes next. She checked her phone when she got home and saw she had a text message.

_From: Matt  
>should we go along with what kurt thinks happened?<em>

Mercedes was confused and replied quickly: _y would we do dat?_

She changed into her pajamas as she waited for his reply. When her finally went off, she rushed over it to check the message.

_From: Matt  
>so we can win the duck trophy<em>

Mercedes laughed. They could use Kurt's misunderstanding to their advantage. Nobody would know that they were dishonest. Smirking, she replied: _hell to the ya, boi!_

They texted for a while after that, and over the weekend decided that they were, in fact, a couple.

On Monday when Mercedes and Matt were official in front of the school, Quinn commented to Sam, "How much do you want to bet that the reason they're together will win them the trophy?"

"I wouldn't doubt it," Sam admitted. "We'll just have to try to beat them."

"I told you," Quinn said flatly, ignoring his flirting. "Nothing more than kissing, even if there _is_ a competition going on. I will not make the same mistake I did last year."

Sam frowned.

On Thursday after Glee club rehearsal, Mercedes and Matt proudly told their mostly-accurate story. Nobody else in the club had done a sexual act to trump Tina and Mike, just Matt and Mercedes. The group voted that getting caught by Kurt in his car was worse than getting caught in the choir room by Sue, mainly because Kurt was such a drama queen and it couldn't have been pretty.

Mike handed over the duck trophy to Matt, who kissed Mercedes on the cheek for helping to win it. "Looks like you're being out-badassed, Puck," Artie commented with a smirk.

Puck glared venomously. If Artie hadn't been a cripple in a wheelchair, he would have had a beating coming to him for that comment. Some members of the group laughed, making Puck even angrier. "You guys just wait," he smirked. "I'll out-badass you all."

"Bring it," Mercedes smirked.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part Four: In Which Finn and Sam Get Stuck…Kind Of**

Finn wanted to make sure Sam stayed in Glee club, so he obviously extended a hand of friendship. They found that they had a lot in common: movies (except Avatar – Finn hated that movie), girls, and of course video games. Finn invited Sam over on Saturday night to play video games and of course Sam accepted.

They would be down in the basement, where Kurt had redecorated to make it manlier, just for Finn. He had, of course, gone over the top, as per his usual. There was camouflage on any fabric surface one could find, and he'd put up a tent (a children's one that stayed up inside) right in the middle of the room, facing the TV. Finn would never admit it, but at times he would lie in the kid's tent inside the gigantic sleeping bag Kurt had found, and play video games all night. It felt nice to return to his childhood, so sue him.

When Sam came over, Finn had totally forgotten about the tent. He was planning to take it down so Sam wouldn't make fun of him. Sam snickered a little, but walked towards it. "It's like when I was little," he exclaimed. "I'd always sit in my tent and play Gamecube."

Finn was a little more relaxed, then. Sam climbed inside the tent and got comfortable inside the sleeping bag as Finn set up the xbox. "Dude, _I_ always lay in that sleeping bag," he complained as he went to climb into the tent.

Sam unzipped the side and said, "There. It's big enough for both of us."

Finn wanted to complain, but he didn't; the sleeping bag really was that big. He climbed in next to Sam and they began playing Campaign mode on Halo Reach. Finn was more skilled at the game than Sam, mainly because Sam had never played before. They went on for hours, beating level after level. Carole had brought them pizza and soda as they continued playing. She laughed at how childlike they looked, but left them alone as she went to get ready for bed.

By midnight, the boys had beaten the game. "That was awesome," Sam said with a smile.

Finn smiled and agreed. They sat in silence for a moment, letting their eyes adjust to the darkness after Finn turned off the TV. "So are you and Quinn gonna compete in Puck's thing?" Finn asked, rolling over and staring at the top of the tent.

"No," Sam shook his head. "I want to win but Quinn refuses to do anything besides make out."

"if you try, does she make you pray?" Finn asked.

"Yeah," Sam nodded. "It sucks. I don't even know if I believe in all that. I just pretend to just in case."

"Doesn't work," Finn shook his head. "Try dating Rachel and pretending you believe in…well, whatever Jews believe. That's worse."

"No offense dude, but dating Rachel _is_ worse, no matter what her religion," Sam admitted. "I'm sorry but she just kinda drives me insane."

"Yeah, well, same here," Finn nodded. "I don't know where I stand with her anymore. I broke up with her, but she refuses to believe it so things don't feel any different."

"That sucks, dude," Sam said, looking up at the top of the tent as well.

They lay there in silence for a minute. Sam sat up straight, excitement on his face. "Where's the fire, dude?" Finn asked stupidly.

"I have an idea," Sam said quickly. "If we want to win that duck!"

"Rachel and Quinn aren't gonna put out just for a stupid duck trophy," Finn said dejectedly.

"Exactly! And what other guy in the club would be brave enough to kiss another dude?" Sam asked.

"None…" Finn trailed off, but then realization hit. He looked up at Sam and asked, "Are you seriously asking me to do that dude?"

Sam shrugged and asked, "Why not? You want to win don't know?" Finn nodded. "Then we gotta do it. Puck would never do it, Kurt doesn't really count, and I can't see anyone else in the club doing it. We can win this thing!"

Finn looked at him warily and asked, "You don't think that's too gay?"

"Nah," Sam shook his head. "Girls do it all the time."

Finn raised an eyebrow but didn't question Sam. Instead he just nodded, gave a casual shrug, and said, "Okay, yeah. Let's do this."

"Okay," Sam smiled and began leaning towards Finn.

"Wait," Finn pulled back. "What exactly are we doing?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know," he admitted. "Let's just see where it goes."

Finn looked wary but just agreed. Sam kissed him gently and Finn was surprised that he didn't' dislike it. It felt the same as with Rachel, except his lips were a little rougher. He responded gently to the kiss, and Sam ran his hand through Finn's hair. It helped Finn that Sam's hair was a little longer; it gave the illusion that he was with a girl. When Sam's hand ghosted down his side, however, he found that it didn't matter. Boy or girl, he liked what was happening. He pulled Sam's face closer to his and deepened the kiss.

They stayed in the sleeping bag as Sam pulled himself above Finn. He straddled one of Finn's legs and ground down lightly. Finn moaned into the kiss and lost all concentration. Sam ground down again and could have swore he heard Finn mumble, "mailman."

Sam laughed a little and ground down again. "Dude," Finn muttered, his eyes fluttering shut.

"You are liking this way too much," Sam teased, repeating the motion once again.

Finn's mouth opened like he was going to say something and Sam figured out what was happening. Finn had just come. "That was really fast, dude," Sam whispered in his ear.

In retaliation, Finn kissed Sam roughly and flipped them over, mangling the sleeping bag into a mess. He ground down and ran his hands down Sam's sides. It was Sam's turn to groan. Finn's lips trailed down Sam's jaw and along his neck. He nipped gently at the sensitive skin there and moved his hand down Sam's stomach, lingering dangerously close to his hardness.

Finn nipped a little harder at Sam's neck and ran his hand along the front of Sam's pants and that was all it took. Sam came as well. They looked down at each other, breathing heavily. "This wasn't gay, right?" Finn reassured himself.

"Nope, not gay," Sam shook his head.

Finn tried to climb off of Sam, but the sleeping bag was too tangled up. They were stuck in the sleeping bag, the heavy fabric between their legs, tucked between their waist, and zipped up a little too far. They spent almost twenty minutes detangling themselves from the mess.

They slept in the tent like they were little boys, both debating whether they wanted to tell the Glee club what they had done.

When Thursday rolled around, Finn and Sam sat next to their girlfriends awkwardly in the choir room. "What is your problem?" Quinn shot.

"I'm fine," Sam shrugged.

Puck walked in, smirking. "I hear you guys are giving up on the bet," he said. "Nobody has told any juicy stories."

"We uh…we have one," Finn said, standing up.

Puck's eyebrows raised, especially when Rachel looked confused and said, "No, we don't."

"No, we have one," Sam walked forward to stand next to Finn.

"Homo doesn't count," Puck said, uncomfortable.

"No, I think it should count," Quinn spoke up, eyeing Finn and Sam.

"What did you guys do?" Rachel asked, scandalized.

Sam shrugged and said, "Just fooled around."

Finn blushed and nodded, "Yeah, on Saturday night."

"I think it's really hot that they did that," Quinn admitted. "I think they should win this week."

"Agreed," Mercedes spoke up.

"That's pretty manly and badass," Artie admitted. "So I agree."

Most of the group agreed, as well, leaving Puck outnumbered nine to one. "Fine, homos win the trophy," he rolled his eyes. "But this is bullshit."

"Have sex with a guy and you'll win," Rachel shrugged with a smirk. "I'm just proud of Finn and Sam for being brave enough to admit they'd done that just to win the trophy."

Several in the group agreed and Matt handed off the trophy to Finn, who gave it to Sam with a proud smile. They started filing out of the room slowly. Quinn and Rachel were surprisingly cavalier about the situation, considering their boyfriends (yes, Rachel considered Finn her boyfriend) had technically cheated on them."I can't believe the direction this went," Puck shook his head at Santana.

"It was hot," Santana shrugged.

"Yeah, but how the hell are we going to top that?" Puck challenged.

"Oh, don't worry," Santana smirked mischievously. "I have an idea."


	5. Chapter 5

**Part Five: In Which Rachel and Quinn Get Even**

Monday rolled around and Rachel stood at her locker, watching Finn and Sam laughing and joking around in the hallway. She watched with a mixture of hurt and confusion. "Berry, we need to talk," Quinn said.

Her Cheerios outfit looked more pristine than usual, and it looked like Quinn put extra attention towards her makeup. "There's something up with our boyfriends," Quinn began. "We need to do something about it."

Rachel looked at her seriously and said, "I agree. What do you propose?"

"We're going to hang out at your place tonight, got it?" Quinn said firmly. "I'll be there at seven."

Surprised at how demanding Quinn was being, she nodded and said, "I'll see you then."

Quinn nodded and walked away, trying to play off the fact that she had been talking to Rachel in public.

That evening, Quinn showed up at seven, just like she said. Rachel answered the door and let her in. She wasn't in her usual outfit of her Cheerio's uniform, but instead a simple blue dress with a white cardigan. She had her hair in curls along her shoulders; she looked like she had when she was pregnant, except thinner. "Would you like anything to drink?" she offered as Quinn took her jacket off.

"No, let's just go upstairs," Quinn said quickly.

Rachel looked surprised at Quinn's rush, but didn't argue. She hung Quinn's jacket on the coat rack and they went up to her room. Quinn walked in and looked around; the room looked much different in person than it did in Rachel's countless MySpace videos she'd made fun of. She sat on the end of Rachel's bed as Rachel closed the door and looked at her anxiously. "So, what's your plan?" Rachel asked. "How are we going to deal with our boyfriends?"

"We're going to be better than them," Quinn said triumphantly.

Rachel's jaw dropped as she asked, "How do you plan on doing that?"

"Kiss me," Quinn demanded.

Eyes wide, Rachel stuttered, "I…I don't think that's such a good idea, Quinn."

"Look, the only way to get through to those boys is to make them feel the way we did when they told us about their little gay adventures," Quinn explained. "If we do what they did but better, we make them jealous and win this damn bet."

"So you want to have sex with me?" Rachel asked.

"I don't want to, I _need_ to," Quinn clarified.

Rachel sat down next to her, unsure. "I don't even know how girls do this," she admitted.

"Me either, but I say it's sex as long as you orgasm," the blonde shrugged.

"That sounds fair," Rachel nodded.

"So are you in?" Quinn asked.

"Yes, sure, I'll do it," the brunette said with a smile.

Quinn glared at her but bit back her scathing remark. Rachel watched her expectantly. "You need to shut off the lights and get some candles or lamps or something, because there is no mood in this room at all," Quinn criticized.

Things had to be perfect. The first time Quinn had sex with someone, it ended up with pregnancy. She didn't want the second time to be terrible, too. Plus, she'd be mortified if Rachel saw her stretch mark. Rachel set to work lighting the few decorative candles she had around her room before she flipped off the light. "Better?" she asked eagerly.

"I guess," Quinn barked.

"Look, I'm not going to do this if you're going to be this mean the whole time," Rachel said, sitting next to Quinn on the bed. "I think sex should be a nice, loving act, not bossy and rude."

"I'll do things however I want to," Quinn said through tight lips.

Before Rachel even had time to argue, Quinn had connected their lips. Rachel was surprised at the forcefulness of her actions and it took her a moment to respond to the kiss. Quinn deepened the kiss and Rachel found she liked it a lot more than she thought she would.

Rachel put her hand in Quinn's hair and Quinn pulled the brunette closer. They climbed back on Rachel's bed, barely breaking contact. Quinn's hands rested on Rachel's waist and kept her close. Rachel lay on top of her, their kissing becoming more frantic.

Rachel tugged at Quinn's white cardigan, struggling to remove it from the blonde girl's body. Quinn ran her hand along Rachel's thigh and it dipped under her skirt. Rachel gasped and Quinn rolled her eyes. It's not like Quinn was a seasoned pro at this, but Rachel was just acting like a blushing virgin. The blonde's hands ran along Rachel's backside, drawing a moan out of her. Rachel ground her hips down and Quinn pulled from the kiss to moan.

Quinn began nipping at Rachel's neck, trying to remember what Puck had done to her that made her feel so good. She kissed down the tender skin of Rachel's neck and collarbone. When she was sure Rachel wouldn't fight it, Quinn flipped them over so she was on top. Her kisses lingered lower and lower until she had unbuttoned Rachel's entire shirt and kissed down to the waistband of her skirt. Rachel was squirming underneath her touch, moaning every now and then.

Quinn pulled her skirt off and ran her hand along Rachel's panties, feeling the wetness through the thin fabric. She slipped them off slowly, running her hands along the insides of Rachel's thighs. Rachel moaned and Quinn was a little surprised at how easily Rachel became this moaning mess of desire.

She lowered her mouth gently and flicked her tongue across Rachel's clit. Rachel gasped from above her and Quinn repeated the action. She inserted a finger inside Rachel while she kept licking at her. Gasps and pants emanated from Rachel until she pushed at her shoulder lightly. Quinn didn't move. She could feel Rachel convulsing around her finger and she let her ride out her orgasm. Once her breathing returned to normal, Rachel smiled at Quinn devilishly and asked, "My turn?"

Quinn was surprised at the brunette's eagerness, but she agreed. Rachel pulled her into a kiss and flipped them over. She tugged Quinn's dress above her head and tossed it on the floor next to them. Rachel kissed down Quinn's torso, nipping at the skin and marveling each time Quinn moaned in response.

She wasted no time returning the favor for Quinn. She licked at her wetness and fingered her; first with one finger, then adding another. It was amazing that such small acts could get such a response from the usually cold and angry Cheerio. "Oh…" Quinn gasped, her eyes fluttering shut.

Rachel felt Quinn's muscles clench as she peaked. She moved back up to lie upon Quinn and kissed her gently. Quinn's breath was ragged, but it returned to normal after a few minutes and they looked at each other, at a loss for words. "That was better than I expected," Rachel admitted.

"It won't happen again," Quinn pointed out, her cold demeanor back. "I only did this so we could win."

Rachel nodded, and it angered Quinn that it didn't seem like Rachel believed her. They dressed in silence and Quinn nodded, "Okay, so on Thursday we'll tell the group what we did and we'll get that trophy. Then our boyfriends will leave each other alone and return to us."

"Great," Rachel smiled.

Anything to get Finn back in her arms was worth her trouble. Quinn left after that, and Rachel couldn't stop thinking about what she had just done. Never in a million years would she have thought about having sex with Quinn Fabray.

On Thursday, they shared their story. If people had been disbelieving of Finn and Sam, that was nothing compared to their reaction to Rachel and Quinn. "Yeah right, you guys hate each other," Santana spoke up.

"You guys are jealous because you can't have what me and Santana used to have," Brittany said monotonously.

"We really did," Rachel said earnestly.

"I went to her house on Monday," Quinn elaborated. "We were going to practice a song," she lied, but Rachel didn't falter, "Then we decided we needed to show up our boyfriends who decided fooling around in a sleeping bag would win the competition. So we had sex."

"Where did you do it?" Puck challenged. "This is a craziest places kind of competition."

"My bed," Rachel said. "I know it sounds lame, but my dads were right downstairs and could have caught us at any moment."

"Just a bed? Please," Santana rolled her eyes.

"There was the risk factor, though," Tina spoke up.

"And they are both girls, and they're both straight," Artie added.

"Not to mention they had sex, they didn't just fool around," Finn pointed out.

Sam hit him hard, mumbling, "Dude!"

"Fine," Puck said, unhappy. "They win the duck this week. But prepare to be out-badassed. Next Thursday will be epic," he said with a smirk.

Santana sat back, smirking along with him. It was obvious to the group that they were up to something. "There's a party at my place on Friday," Brittany said to everyone. "You can all come. It starts at eight."


	6. Chapter 6

**Part Six: In Which Puck Becomes Badass Again**

Friday night, most of the Glee club showed up to Brittany's party. Matt and Mercedes had already planned a date so they were somewhere else. She had invited the Cheerios, too, but most of them had gone to Karofsky's house where there would be plenty of booze to go around. Brittany's parents may not have stocked them up with alcohol, but they were still having a good time.

Puck had shown up half drunk, a bottle of cheap whiskey in hand. Finn and Sam took a few sips each, but left the belligerent drunkenness to Puck. They saw Brittany whispering in Artie's ear before she disappeared (loudly) down the hall with Puck and Santana. "What the hell?" Mike asked, following.

The rest of the club followed, too, and gathered around the door that had just slammed shut. Inside they heard giggles (from the girls, not Puck) and several comments from a deep voice (that was Puck) that they couldn't understand. "Are they going to…?" Rachel trailed off.

"No, they wouldn't," Finn shook his head. "Brittany's dating Artie."

"I said she could hang out with them," Artie shrugged. "Britt and I lost so if she wants another chance to win, she should go for it."

"But then Puck will be the badass again," Quinn whined.

"Yeah, then we'll never hear the end of it," Sam complained.

A loud moan from the room stopped their talking. They pressed their ears as close to the door as they could and listened in. "Yeah," they heard Puck say with a satisfied laugh.

"Brittany and Santana are probably making out," Quinn pointed out. "Again."

She was right. Inside the room, Puck was lying back on Brittany's bed, watching as the two girls made out above him. He watched with his arms back behind his head, waiting for them to notice his now pressing need in his pants. Santana must have noticed, because she reached down and unbuttoned his pants.

"You gotta admit," Finn shrugged. "This is pretty badass."

"Yeah, because the last thing Puck needs is an ego boost," Rachel rolled her eyes.

Inside, the three glee club members we beginning to remove their clothes, hands traveling over each other (more like Santana and Brittany feeling up Puck, but who's arguing?) and moans growing louder. They were exaggerated, even for Santana (half the guys she slept with were _clueless_) but that just made the rest of the club lingering outside the door become more dejected. Puck was definitely regaining his badass status with this stunt.

Santana's hand ran over Puck's erection as Brittany felt at her chest and the three soon forgot what they were doing this for. Puck's eyes were closed as he savored the sensations of Santana's hands on him. She moaned as Brittany's hands traveled across her breast and trailed down her body. Santana was straddling Puck now as Brittany kissed Santana roughly. "You ready?" he asked.

"Uh huh," Santana moaned.

She pressed herself down onto Puck, who let out a moan he'd never admit to at the warmth around him. Santana ground down on his dick, moaning at the sensations. "You guys are super hot," Brittany said, but Artie could tell she didn't mean it. It wasn't the same voice she used with him.

Santana laughed a little as she began to move up and down, letting Puck sit back and enjoy what was happening. Brittany kissed Santana and ran her hands along her body. "Yeah, keep touching her," Puck managed to say.

His breathing was more ragged as Santana picked up speed. Out in the hallway, several members were blushing furiously. "We shouldn't be listening to this," Rachel said quietly, ashamed.

"Yeah, it's wrong," Finn shook his head. "I don't want to be hearing Puck like this."

"It's not nearly as gay as fooling around with _my_ boyfriend," Quinn pointed out.

Sam looked guilty and Finn just shook his head, "I'm going back to the movie."

"Yeah, I'll join you," Rachel said.

They went back to the living room where the movie Star Trek was playing, even though nobody had really paid attention to it from the moment it was put in the DVD player. "Wimps," Artie laughed.

Quinn just looked at him sadly; she knew the only reason he kept listening was to make sure Brittany didn't…do anything. It couldn't be hard for him to listen to them and not know for sure what was happening.

The moans and noises from the bed intensified; it was hard to tell who was saying what (except for Puck with his deep voice), and soon Quinn and Sam had to walk away too. Their faces were flush with embarrassment when they joined Finn and Rachel in the living room to watch the rest of the movie.

Santana looked down at Puck and instantly recognized his I'm-about-to-come face (they'd hung out a lot, whatever) and climbed off of him. "What the hell?" he asked.

"Come here," she said with a devilish smirk, lying back on the bed.

He got up on his knees and followed her, eagerly anticipating what was next. Brittany's hands trailed along Santana's body and down between her legs. She began fingering Santana and Puck watched with his jaw slightly dropped. He could have gotten off just by watching them, but Santana reached out and took his dick in her hand.

She leaned up on her elbows and licked gingerly at the tip. A shudder ran through Puck as she took more of him in his mouth. She moaned as Brittany added another finger inside. Puck noticed Santana's hand paying the same attention to Brittany and found himself on the edge. He tried pulling away; it was rude not to warn a girl before he came, but she wouldn't let him. She felt her mouth fill up with the salty white substance and looked him in the eyes as she swallowed. This was something new she'd never done for him before, and he liked it. The eye contact didn't last long, though, because her eyes fluttered shut from Brittany's attentions. "That's right," he smirked, backing up. "You guys finish up."

Brittany leaned down to kiss Santana and they got off within minutes. Having done it before, they knew exactly what the other liked. He waited for the girls to pull their Cheerio's uniforms back on before he opened the door and stepped triumphantly out into the hall. "Now who's the badass?" he asked with a smirk.

He walked into the living room to find Finn, Rachel, Sam, and Quinn watching the movie and pointedly ignoring his gaze. "You girls may as well give up the trophy now," he smirked, "Because none of you are going to beat what we just did."

Quinn reached down to her oversized purse that was lying on the floor and she tossed it at him without really looking. "You're such a man whore," she grumbled.

Rachel glared at him, and he took it to mean that she agreed. Sure, he'd won back his badass title, but now what? All he had to show for it was a hideous duck trophy from Hummel. It didn't matter in the long run, though, because he'd achieved something that every high school man fantasized about: he had a threesome with two girls. Two smokin' hot girls, to be exact.

He looked around him to be greeted with praise, but he wasn't. Santana hung around at his side, but that was expected. Brittany sat on Artie's lap, still in the hallway outside her room. She looked very serious, and Puck almost wondered if he'd broken up yet _another_ couple. He didn't care, though.

Puck sauntered into the kitchen where he'd left his bottle of whiskey and took a drink. Alcohol took his cares away and that's what helped him become such a badass. "I told you guys nobody was more badass than me," he bragged. "And as the official winner of this competition, you all need to acknowledge me as the biggest badass you've ever seen by Thursday, or I get to throw you in a dumpster _and_ slushie you in one day."

Several members of the group just glared at him. "You're the biggest badass I've ever seen," Artie said quickly.

It was really difficult for him to climb out of a dumpster; he learned that the hard way once in his freshman year. Thanks to Puck, actually. Puck basked his the praises that Tina, Mike, Brittany, and Santana showered in him just like Artie had.

Star Trek ended and the couples in the living room stood up to leave. "Where are you guys going?" Brittany asked.

"It was a great party, Britt, but I need to go," Sam shrugged. "Mom set an early curfew."

"Thanks for inviting us," Rachel said earnestly.

"I'll see you Monday," Quinn gave Brittany a hug.

Puck gave Finn a questioning look. "I told Rachel I'd drive her home," he shrugged. "Besides, you're being really annoying, dude."

Sam, Quinn, and Rachel nodded, ignoring the glares they were getting from Puck and Santana. "Bye guys," Brittany smiled and waved.

They gave her polite smiles and waved back as they left, dreading the moments they'd have to give up boosting Puck's ridiculous sex shark ego.


	7. Chapter 7

**Part Seven: In Which Kurt Surprises Everyone**

Kurt and Blaine rushed through the halls of McKinley. "Are you sure about this?" Blaine asked.

"I'm sure if you are," Kurt turned to him with a mischievous glance.

They looked around the hallway and saw Mr. Schuester leaving the choir room. They approached just in time. "Do you mind if we practice one of our songs?" Kurt asked. "I'm in town for the weekend and brought Blaine with me."

"Sure," Mr. Schue said, smiling at them both. "Lock the door on your way out."

Kurt nodded and they went inside. Blaine sat on the bench but Kurt made a face so he stood up again. "Is there something wrong with this bench?" he asked.

"Remember that silly competition I was telling you about?" Kurt asked. Blaine nodded. "One of the couples were getting busy on that bench."

Blaine took a step away from it, a disgusted look on his face. Kurt just nodded and dug into his attaché. They were going to begin rehearsing to try to put an end to this horrendous competition. Puck didn't need an ego boos and the rest of the club didn't need to be making mistakes and getting in trouble (like he'd heard they were).

Kurt was about to pull a chair up to the piano, but strong arms around his waist stopped him. "Blaine?" he asked.

Blaine planted a kiss on his neck before allowing Kurt to spin around in his arms. Kurt was pressed with his back to the piano and Blaine was barely letting his body touch Kurt's. "Too bad we're not in this competition," he whispered, leaning in close.

Kurt's eyes fluttered shut at how close Blaine's lips were to his own. "It's immature," Kurt commented, but his voice said something else.

He knew they could blow the other couples out of the water. They would be risking absolutely nothing by having sex in the choir room right at that moment, Kurt couldn't help thinking. Blaine must have been thinking the same thing, because he connected their lips in a heated kiss.

It wasn't their first time together, but Kurt thought it was exhilarating that they could be walked in on at any moment. Blaine pressed his body to Kurt's and he responded with a weak moan. Kurt could feel Blaine's hardness through his pants and couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty. He'd been feeling Blaine up the whole drive from Dalton to McKinley.

Kurt responded by bucking his hips against Blaine's. Blaine kissed him harder and ran his hands along Kurt's sides. "You wanna?" Blaine asked.

"Let's go in Mr. Schue's office," Kurt suggested.

They would at least be a little protected from the Glee club members that showed up. If they were still meeting on Thursdays after practice, that is. Kurt led Blaine by the hand into the office adjoining the choir room. Blaine pressed him up against the desk with one swift move. The action knocked over several trinkets and Kurt winced.

His hands were frantically messing with the belt of Blaine's pants and soon he had them lowered just enough so he could take Blaine's erection into his hand. He stroked it slowly, drawing out the sensations. Blaine's head rolled back at the feeling. Kurt pulled him in for a kiss with his free hand. Blaine bucked into Kurt's hand, but he wouldn't have it; he let go instead.

Blaine tugged at the waistband of Kurt's pants and had those lowered as well. He ran his hand along Kurt's erection and the boy let out a moan. They began grinding against each other, their brains only focused on two things: kissing the other boy and keeping the contact and friction between their straining erections.

In the choir room, glee club students were gathering. "Is that…?" Rachel asked, catching sight of movement in Mr. Schue's dark office.

"No, it's not Mr. Schue, I saw him leave," Quinn shook her head.

Puck approached the window. "I doubt it's anyone we know," he said. "I'll beat them up."

When he approached, though, he stopped in his tracks. "Who is it?" Santana asked.

He found he couldn't tear his eyes from the sight of Blaine pressing into Kurt slowly. Kurt clung to Blaine as he moved in and out slowly, letting Kurt adjust to the feeling. Santana and Brittany approached behind Puck and froze as well. "Are they…?" Santana asked, her expression a mixture of amazement and disgust.

"They're having sex," Brittany said simply.

"Who's they?" Artie asked, wheeling over to the others.

Kurt whimpered under Blaine's touch as he sped up, increasing the sweet friction between their bodies. Blaine stroked at Kurt's dick while he continued thrusting inside the small boy. They kissed occasionally, but focused on the sex. Rachel approached, looking authoritative. She was ready to go into the office and stop them, but froze when she realized who it was. "What's going on?" Finn asked stupidly, Matt and Mercedes in his wake.

They approached and soon the whole glee club was gathered around the window to Mr. Schue's office, watching Kurt and Blaine have sex. It wasn't until they reached their peak and regained their breath that they realized twelve pairs of eyes watching them. Kurt looked at Blaine, who was the one facing the window, and asked, "The entire glee club is out there, isn't it?"

Blaine just nodded. "I'm so sorry I made you do this," he shook his head. "This is so embarrassing."

"No, no, it's fine," Kurt reassured him. "I wanted to. There's something thrilling about it."

Blaine pulled out of Kurt slowly and they dressed, avoiding the eyes of the McKinley High glee club. They emerged from the office trying to pretend nothing happened. "What the hell, dudes?" Puck asked.

Kurt shrugged, "We were going to practice to try to psych you guys out, but we got distracted."

Blaine smiled sheepishly as he followed Kurt to the piano. "I vote Kurt is the biggest badass," Artie said instantly.

"He doesn't even go here anymore," Santana shot.

"I agree with Artie," Rachel nodded. "I think that even though Kurt doesn't go here, he's still one of us because he was with us all last year and we miss him so much."

"I won, end of story," Puck shot.

"No, I think Kurt should win," Finn said, blushing furiously. "Kurt knew we were meeting now and it took a lot of nerve to do that when he knew we could walk in."

"Yeah, who cares where he goes to school?" Mercedes piped up. "I vote Kurt wins. Who's with me?"

The rest of the club except for Santana and Puck nodded and raised their hands. Blaine looked pleased, but Kurt's expression was unreadable. "Fine," Puck grumbled.

He tossed the duck trophy back to Kurt who looked at it in disgust. "I was trying to get rid of this," he complained, holding it up.

"Blame the group, dude," Puck shrugged.

"I'll keep in my room," Blaine offered.

Kurt looked at him disbelievingly. "If you think for one minute that I'll allow you to add this to the impeccable décor in your room, you are wrong," he shot.

"You can keep it," Kurt tossed it back to Puck. He slung his bag over his shoulder and walked past Puck on his way out of the choir room. "Now every time you see it you'll think about how I'm more of a badass than you are."

He smirked and walked away without even bothering to look back at Puck's (probably stupid) expression. Blaine followed, not even bothering to argue with Kurt about the fact that they didn't practice at all.


End file.
